May Grandma rest in peace...God bless

Its hard to expect when your one an only beloved grandma left has passed away.....But God has sent her to a peaceful place to rest and suffer no more....
Its hard also when you yourself is the 1st grandson that can't do anything to help and support the rest of the family members...which you watch your uncle and aunts fight and argue each other....about financial problem....and others.....most are them are not came from a very rich family...and its came in a wrong time where everyone not yet got their own salary.......I felt so damn guilty because I can't do anything or give more effort to support in this kind of situation......
Seriously I felt I'm the most useless person in the world....I can't help them when these thing happen in an emergency situation....at least if I got some money....I can help them to cover half of the expenses.....which they don't need to crack their head or argue to thing of these....
I also felt so damn sorry for my father because he is the 1st son in this family...and he also can't do much....but to low down his head.....I let down my father and the rest of the family members.....I felt so ashamed and I didn't know where to put my fuckin face.....
This a totally a lesson for me....which I can't be self-fish....to get what I want....but to ignore my rest of the family....and in the end...I can't help them at all....
This is a big big slap for me to wake up and in future... The most important thing is....family come first.....no matter what ever happens.....
I really hope after this.....I'll be more grown up iso so damn childish and self-fish.....
Sorry grandma.....and the rest of the family member....my dad and my mom...for not being responsible at all.......I really hope you guys can forgive me....I'll try hard to give you guys more effort and be the 1st priority.....
Sorry....
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone